i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
