i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
