my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
