people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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