We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
