he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
