if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i think i have two assholes
I wish i was in the wii world.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
