we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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