Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
