Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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