Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
