True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
