I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I wish I only lived at night.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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