Can i not drive my cunt home
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
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