dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
