There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
