i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
