I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
