you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
