his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
