Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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