I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
