you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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