I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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