she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
