Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize