So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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