Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
no, he came in my armpit
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
