how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
