I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Couch. On fire.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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