you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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