sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
