Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
