woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
