mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize