I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
