She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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