The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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