Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
