Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
