i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
