he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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