she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
