He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
