Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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