Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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