We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
