Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
