masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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