***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
