the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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