i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
