Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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