feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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