I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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