This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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