Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
