Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
