is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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