You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Are we still banned from the library?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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