In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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