she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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