We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
