Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize