Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
