I feel great
I just peed on a car
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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