She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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